How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
