Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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