I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
