Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
