Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
