im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
