i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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