she was so not down for the gang bang
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
