Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
