so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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