dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
