the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
