I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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