my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
