Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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