Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
