I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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