it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
