My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
