When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
