To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
