either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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