Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
