It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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