your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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