I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
