He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
