I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
