suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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