You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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