sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
