All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
