i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
