I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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