my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think I am morally bankrupt
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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