...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
