youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
