Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
