i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
