I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
