it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
bring money and cleavage
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
