i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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