My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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