it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
