He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You can't special order awesome
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
