you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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