I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
