YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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