Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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