you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
