its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
